Fear and Reflection

This blog was posted 5th of April. The church is called Osterlars church in Bornholm, Denmark. I have this fear about getting sick and being confined in the hospital. I have been a witness to a lot of deaths since I volunteered myself to help in the chaplains office of a hospital, and was working at the same time in the admission office until I stopped some years ago. Part of my job was to interview patients in the emergency room and there, I became an observer about what's going on, and the relationship between a patient and a doctor. My fear is not only about getting sick but much more about the doctor and nurses that will take care of me. I have witnessed a lot of incompetence or the kind of attitude by the people who are supposed to take care of the sick and who should be giving enlightenment and lightness for the pain you are having....I realized my fear is also extended to my loveones, and for someone who has no idea about medicine and medical terms that I am just familiar because I always read and hear about it but really doesn't know what it is really. How can I be sure that my loveones will be getting the right treatment or there was no guessing in some way? So many hospital tv series have I religiously followed and one of them was St. Elsewhere-ohh that was a long time ago and Chicago Hope and some others I cannot remember now, since I started having this fear. ---and one of the reasons why I work as a volunteer in the chaplains office, mostly to balance everything that was negative and make it positive at the end....I was thinking maybe it can help me embrace my fear and do something about it. What I have realized is that it won't go away and all I have to do is to pray...."each day, i try my best to choose to heal-not hurt, to forgive-not to despise, to persevere-not quit, to smile-not to frown and to love not hate...."